i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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