I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
