Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
