someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
