Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
