allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
