so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
