Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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