were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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