fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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