Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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