If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
