they need to just BURY HIM!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
