Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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