The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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