dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize