do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
