If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
