Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
