im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
