if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
