hell yes lets make some ravioli
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
