GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
