Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
