I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
