That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
