i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
