i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
