The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
