That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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