you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
