Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
