maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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