It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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