when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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