it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
