New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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