I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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