So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize