She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
