Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
