Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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