I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
