then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
