Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
