Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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