Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
