I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
