a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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