I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
