Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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