My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
