Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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