areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
