the condom got lost in my hair
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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