I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
