But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
