I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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