he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
