Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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