There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
