Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
