i jhust puked up my retainher.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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