im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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