I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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