i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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