Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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