he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Green mimosas i think yes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
