Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
