Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bring me that man meat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
