Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
