We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
