I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
