You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
