I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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