Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
wow bdsm is so cute
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
