I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
