You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
