haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
