I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
