at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
